January and February 2012

Wow...it is March 3! Where has the time gone? I guess we are just having the time of our lives!

Here is a glimpse of life in our house over the past two months....

January-

Tyler started at his new school! 

We celebrated Bear's 4th birthday! We love seeing my brother and his family a couple times a week.

Poppy came to visit all of us. I love the 3 generations in this picture.

Abi and I did a week lesson on Daniel and the Lions Den. Here are some of the fun crafts we did and cousin Bear joined us for one of those days.

We celebrated Markus' 35th birthday! 

February-

We got the largest snow storm since we have been here, the day before my birthday...what a glorious birthday present!

We celebrated my 35th birthday!

 Abi has found a new love...science! Here we are growing carrots and green onions from a root and cat grass in egg shells.

Fun family time with my good friend from college, sledding and riding the quad

Abi and I took the most coldest, yet glorious walk around a local lake one afternoon. The scenery was amazing and our talks were precious. I love having the opportunity to be able to homeschool.

Tyler was so very proud to have us all come and visit him at school for his class play and party on Valentine's Day! 

It was so rewarding for him to be part of a play with his friends.

Abi continues to love art and be creative! For Valentine's Day, we made "love birds" and a heart garland with love scripture. We are learning in social studies about our environment and did a craft on my place in this world (thanks to Pinterest!). She is reading more and more on her own and joins us wherever we are  and reads to us.

Continue to enjoy life and live it to the fullest! Live in the moment and enjoy your family!

Blessings!

Six Weeks Down...and a New Life

So, we have been here in Colorado for 6 weeks now and if the last few weeks have any indication of what life will be like....I am thrilled! I love it here....every ounce of it. God is so very good and He surely cares about our lives and our dreams (don't ever forget that!).

We see our family - Joe, Lauren, Bear, and Indie almost every day. How cool is that? We love living by my brother and his family. We have never lived near a sibling before and its the best. We exchange kids so we all get a break. We have meals together. We play together. We go to church together. We laugh together. Lauren and I hang out a lot together when either of our husbands are out of town. We have called each other the A/V Wives (instead of Military Wives); but the same concept!

Markus loves his job. After almost 10 years of being self-employed, he thought it would be a hard adjustment to be an employee again. God surely had His hand in providing such a perfect company for him.


Tyler started school after 6 weeks of not being in school. He has to take the bus for an hour to get to school, but the program he is in is fabulous. We couldn't be happier with his teacher. He loves riding his bike with all the neighborhood kids, playing in the snow, and making jumps for his RC car.


Abi has embraced nature and the snow. According to her, this is best winter ever! She loves watching all the squirrels and various birds eat in our front yard. We take walks and ride bikes almost every day for school. We are doing more art in school, as per her request. She is really making mom work! :) 


So with moving to Colorado, we are now on fixed budget. We haven't been on a fixed budget for almost 12 years. So its been an adjustment....but a good one. We are really looking at our budget, cutting things that we don't really need, and just using our resources more wisely. I had told my friends before leaving California, that I totally saw myself becoming "granola". And well, I am and I am loving it.


We made almost all the Christmas gifts that we gave away. We recycle almost everything. We have a compost pile. We are planning what to plant in our 18x30 garden area in a few months. We drink water from the tap (no more store bought water bottles..imagine that!). Markus made a really cool Eiffel Tower out of used wood and leftover lights for Abi's headboard. We shop at the thrift store. I made 9 jars of blackberry jam today with Lauren. I am learning to make things from scratch. I am also going to be making hand soap tomorrow. I am planning on making a sign out of the pallet that was found out in the backyard shed. 


If you follow me on Facebook, you might have noticed a photo album entitled "Giving thanks in the everyday". That's another thing I am doing and trying to institute it in our family. Falling in love with Ann Voskamp and her blog, I had to get her book, "one thousand gifts". So I bought it for myself for Christmas. I am trying to change my heart and become more thankful, living fully with where I am at. I try and capture my gratefulness mostly through photos and an occasional word. Either little things throughout our day in the house or while going on walks in the neighborhood I try and capture those things that express my gratefulness. I started a written thankful journal for the family, so we write in it after dinner ever night. I can't wait to see how this transforms our hearts and our family. 


So, you could say that these are New Years resolutions for me and our little family. But, it just so happens that we started a new life 6 weeks ago. It's all good timing...God's perfect timing. 

How did we end up here?

A person’s steps are directed by the LORD. How then can anyone understand their own way?

– Proverbs 20:24 (NIV)

I have always had a dream to live in the snow and to move out of California. We have never been able to leave Southern California because of our business and Markus' career. But nonetheless, it was always a dream of mine, not ever thinking it would become a reality. As Markus and I had been praying about it the last several months, God has brought it to a reality for us. We couldn't be more happy! And the journey that God has taken us on in the last few months is just plain glorious and God deserves all the praise and glory. It's truly a God story and I wanted to share it with you. 

We have lived most of our married life for our glory, for our desires...not really very healthy or recommended. And in the last several months, we have both been on a journey to surrender our individual lives and our lives as a family unit to God alone. Brought to our knees. Brought to the foot of the cross. Our lives experienced the disorientation like Saul in the book of Acts. It was a contrast of dependence on ourselves instead of God and living in the power of God.

"Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do. The men traveling with Saul stood there speechless; they heard the sound but did not see anyone. Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing. So they led him by the hand into Damascus. For three days he was blind and did not eat or drink anything." Acts 9:6-9

Our old life has ended and we are going to create a new life in God. It's not that we are running from anything, actually quite the opposite. It is the transforming power of a surrender life. 

"And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3:18

As God was lighting our path on exploring this journey, He couldn't have been more clear. It seemed that every few weeks God was bringing us something new that would direct us to Colorado. We recently met and became very good friends with two couples that had recently moved from the exact area in Denver we were looking to move to. And what a blessing they have been in our lives these past few months. Markus' career opportunities were not as fruitful as they had been in years past and God was closing opportunities here in Orange County. While doors were closing here, we decided to move our trip to discover Colorado earlier so we could potentially move during Christmas. We visited Colorado the middle of October and ended up being there for 12 days, originally only planned for 6. During our visit, God made it very clear - by providing ONE house and ONE job!!! You can't get any clearer than that. God was so faithful and surely directed our every step.

"Your Word is a lamp for my feet, a light to my path." Psalms 119:105

After leaving Colorado we knew that is where we belong. It was now up to God to continue to unfold His plans. Five days after coming home, God provided Markus an amazing job offer and our housing was then confirmed. It would just be three short weeks from that point till we move to Colorado. 

During this whole journey God has provided the finances, a friend who just happens to own a commercial trucking company, and a peace that only He can give.

So here we are three days from packing the moving truck and six days till we leave Orange County and head to our new home state.  It is all very surreal. It surely has been bittersweet saying goodbye to our friends and leaving all the memories we have here. But, knowing that we are in God's will and following His plan for our lives, makes it all worthwhile. We are excited to see what else God has in store for our family, an amazing journey I am sure. But may it be all for His glory and sharing our story of Him with others.

Surrender

But now, God's Message, the God who made you in the first place, Jacob, 

the One who got you started, Israel; I've called your name. You're mine. 

When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, 

you will not go down. When you're between a rock and a hard place, 

it won't be a dead end - Because I am God, your personal God, 

the Holy of Israel, your Savior. I paid a huge price for you; all of Egypt, 

with rich Cush and Seba thrown in! That's how much you mean to me! 

That's how much I love you! I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, 

trade the creation just for you. 

~Isaiah 43:1-4 The Message

God loves you and me! Do you believe it? Do you live like it? Does your hope reflect it? Does your day to day life reflect Jesus' love for you?

Bad things and circumstances in our lives, although hard and painful and uncomfortable, happen for a reason, but the biggest reason is because God wants to be in unity with you! He wants to be in communion with His creation! God Almighty wants intimate connection with YOU! 

God took me on another torturous, heart-wrenching journey a few short months ago. It brought me back on my knees, the only place I could be that provided comfort and hope and love for my crushed and broken heart. The only choice I had was to depend FULLY on God Almighty. Nothing else mattered. Nothing else I could do. So that is where I stayed and where I have learned to remain. 

I had a choice. I came to a crossroad. And in that crossroad, I had to choose between trusting God and running away. Was I willing to take that risk to trust God? It would have been so much easier to run. Trust me, running is the easy way out, but in the end you tend to lose and you look back on life and wished you had trusted God. By trusting, you risk your selfish ways and have to surrender your very life. 

"You are going to be hurt and you cannot do anything to prevent it, 

but what you can do is trust God each time a hurt comes along. 

Trust that while you don't have the power to protect yourself, 

He has the power to turn every hurt into something that improves who 

you are and glorifies Him. You will never protect yourself from all the hurt, 

but you will protect yourself from missing the life God intended when you

 make the choice to risk. 

Healing is a choice. It is God's choice, but many times we stand 

in the way of what God wants for us. Our stubbornness often prevents 

us from looking at the reality of our lives, but God challenges us to 

make choices that heal. No choice is more difficult than the choice to risk. 

My hat is off to all of you who will make that choice today. 

Blessings of God be upon you for your amazing courage." 

~Stephen Arterburn

You see, when those hard times come in our lives, where do you turn? What is your natural instinct to turn? Where does your heart tell you to turn? I pray the next time you have a choice, your choose to lean on God and take hold of His love. It's in those times, we learn to trust in God more, because remember, all He wants is connection with His creation. The downfall sometimes is after the hard time passes, will you remain in connection with Him? It's so easy to go back to our old ways, but so much more blessing and heartfelt connection comes when continue to stay in close connection with Jesus. It is soothing to our soul. 

I know it is so counter-culture to walk in the Spirit moment by moment. It takes constant work. Its continually surrendering our lives to Jesus. I challenge you to live by the Spirit in your day to day lives and not just when life is hard. I promise you, your life will be transformed like mine has. Blessings and joy come like you have never experienced before. You begin to ache for more of Jesus and your soul overflows with love and joy.

Life isn't sunshine and roses (yet!), but life is sweet today. Sweetness that only comes from a life living by the Spirit moment by moment. The journey continues to be long for my heart to heal, but I know that God will bless my efforts in risking to trust my life completely to Him. 

Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. 

This isn't a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in. If your child 

asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, 

do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, 

you wouldn't think of such a thing. You're at least decent to your own children. 

So don't you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better? 

~ Matthew 7:7-8 The Message

My friends - ask, seek and knock.

I would love to walk alongside of you and pray for your journeys, your heartaches, your crossroads. 

Summer 2011

Summer is slowly coming to a close around our house. Abi and I started homeschooling last week and Tyler starts his new school on September 8.

This summer was fun! It was the year, both kids realized that it's summer for the first time - a time of fun, relaxation, and no school...so we embraced it full on! It was filled with play dates, pool time, sleepovers, learning to ride a bike, park days, sleeping in and staying up late, beach days, soccer classes, a visit from the tooth fairy, clay classes, and camps - all sprinkled with love and lots of memories!

First stop - Scottsdale, Arizona for our annual family trip with my family. We had a light group this time - only Mom and Dad, Rebekah, and Lauren and the 2 kids. We surely missed every one else. The week was full of laughter, lots of hot sun, pool, movies, and some  relaxation.

We managed an Angel's baseball game with some friends.

Playdates with some good friends and silly times-

Movie in the park with Grammy-

Jewelry Making with Grandpa-

Airshow, Picnic, and Rides at the OC Great Park-

Lots of riding bikes and park days-

Fun Water Day at Church-

Special Camp for Special Kids for 2 weeks all day for Tyler-

Family dinner dates by the ocean-

Celebrating our 14 year anniversary at the Sawdust Festival, Dinner, and time at the beach during sunset-

Summer 2011 has come to a close. Now to start back to real life, with real responsibilities, school, schedules, and new memories.

Holding

God is precious. He has been holding me for months now with a sweetness and a grace.


In January, God was nudging me to draw closer to Him. I wrote this in my journal on February 3, 2011..."Right now I have a deeper yearning to know God more, to trust Him truly without a shadow of a doubt that He will protect and provide for me. It's just in the past week that I have had this desire and I don't know why or for what reason, but I'm following my heart."


So since then I have embraced that calling and have been doing just that....drawing closer to Him, trusting Him, knowing He is my all!


I also embraced this verse and made changes accordingly... Romans 12:1-2 - So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.


It has been a hard season - one of tears, ups and downs, turmoil, fighting for wholeness, breaking through the chains, but God is holding me and making Himself known more and more.


"You never need to doubt if I am in the midst of your circumstances. No matter how hot the fire seems, the flames will not scorch you as long as I am present. I am here now with you, ready to cool you off and keep you calm as we walk through this trial together. Remember I did not put you in a fire to burn you out. Trust me with your troubled heart and watch me do wonders for you in the midst of the hottest flames." 


Psalms 62:1 - My souls finds rest in God alone!


Psalms 57:1 - Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me! For my soul trusts in You; and in the shadow of Your wings I will make my refuge.  - "Make God your refuge. Not your job, your spouse, your reputation, or your retirement account. Make God your refuge. Let Him encircle you. Let Him be the ceiling that breaks the sunshine, the walls that stop the wind, the foundation on which you stand." -Max Lucado


As we fully, whole-heartedly yield our lives to Him, He then redirects our steps, our thoughts, our motives. He molds us to the person He created and cherishes and wants the very best for His precious child. I see my heart rejoicing. I see joy in some of my days. I see hope mostly. I see God's love for me, a weak vessel of His, wondering, but yielding whole-heartedly. The more I trust, the more He answers my deepest cries and the more I see Him and feel His very presence.


"When we come to God, we make requests; we don't make demands. We come with high hopes and a humble heart. We state what we want, but we pray for what is right. And if God gives us the prison of Rome instead of the mission of Spain, we accept it because we know, 'God will always give what is right to His people who cry to Him night and day, and He will not be slow to answer them.' (Luke 18:7) We go to Him. We bow before Him, and we trust in Him." (Lucado) 


Will you go, bow, and trust?

Tyler Kaine

My precious boy...Tyler Kaine.

As I sit here and think about this, my heart is in such turmoil. At times in life, you think, how could God pick me as this child's mom....but the one thing that I have learned that for some reason God thinks that we are best mom for our children. Yes, in our humanness, we can look at other mom's and say, wow, she's amazing and maybe she would be better for my child...and I am not fit for this calling. But, I know without a shadow of a doubt that God gave you your kids for a reason and you are the best mom for your children!! Embrace it!

Since Saturday, life has turned upside down for our family! Poor Tyler, has been a raging, angry, out of control little boy. I just look at him and break down in tears. The poor thing, is trying to save his life, breathing for an ounce of air, thinking that the world around him is literally caving in. All of his mechanisms are working overtime. I have not been able to take care of him on my own. Markus has had to protect me and step in the line of fire and take the heat. Markus has been the shield for me, Abi, and the dog. It truthfully has been the scariest thing we have ever had to deal with. I have thought more than once, that we can't handle anymore of this and must submit him to a psych hospital. But, somehow God continues to give Markus and I enough strength for that moment.

I am so extremely grateful for such a grace filled husband, willing to do anything for our family. We surely cannot afford for him to have basically taken the week off of work, but sometimes family needs us more than money. I have faith that somehow, someway God will provide our every need. He is a God who provides, a God who gives strength, and a God who showers us with grace and mercy. He is a God who meets us right where we are at and holds our hand and walks us through the valley of the shadow of death.

I know that God has been preparing me for this journey this last week. A month ago, He really impressed upon my heart the need to draw closer to Him, trust Him more, lean on Him for my strength, walk with Him throughout my days. I had written this in my journal, not really knowing what was coming or why I needed to trust God more. I don't know how I would have survived this week had I not taken the "challenge" and listened to God Almighty. He knows our every need. He sees our every step. He wants to walk with you. He wants to love you. He wants to know you more. Are you willing to take that next step?

Here are some pictures of my precious boy...when he was happy!

I love you my precious Tyler. God is holding you and He loves you more than you will ever know.

Love, Mommy