As I sit here and think about this, my heart is in such turmoil. At times in life, you think, how could God pick me as this child's mom....but the one thing that I have learned that for some reason God thinks that we are best mom for our children. Yes, in our humanness, we can look at other mom's and say, wow, she's amazing and maybe she would be better for my child...and I am not fit for this calling. But, I know without a shadow of a doubt that God gave you your kids for a reason and you are the best mom for your children!! Embrace it!
Since Saturday, life has turned upside down for our family! Poor Tyler, has been a raging, angry, out of control little boy. I just look at him and break down in tears. The poor thing, is trying to save his life, breathing for an ounce of air, thinking that the world around him is literally caving in. All of his mechanisms are working overtime. I have not been able to take care of him on my own. Markus has had to protect me and step in the line of fire and take the heat. Markus has been the shield for me, Abi, and the dog. It truthfully has been the scariest thing we have ever had to deal with. I have thought more than once, that we can't handle anymore of this and must submit him to a psych hospital. But, somehow God continues to give Markus and I enough strength for that moment.
I am so extremely grateful for such a grace filled husband, willing to do anything for our family. We surely cannot afford for him to have basically taken the week off of work, but sometimes family needs us more than money. I have faith that somehow, someway God will provide our every need. He is a God who provides, a God who gives strength, and a God who showers us with grace and mercy. He is a God who meets us right where we are at and holds our hand and walks us through the valley of the shadow of death.
I know that God has been preparing me for this journey this last week. A month ago, He really impressed upon my heart the need to draw closer to Him, trust Him more, lean on Him for my strength, walk with Him throughout my days. I had written this in my journal, not really knowing what was coming or why I needed to trust God more. I don't know how I would have survived this week had I not taken the "challenge" and listened to God Almighty. He knows our every need. He sees our every step. He wants to walk with you. He wants to love you. He wants to know you more. Are you willing to take that next step?
Here are some pictures of my precious boy...when he was happy!
Love, Mommy
Amber, You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. I think you are amazing.
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